Lawrence and the Holy Polaroid

I hadn’t thought of Lawrence A. Guay in years, until a recent e-mail from my friend Jim Metesky jarred that memory loose.

In his e-mail, Jim quoted a short passage from what he and I consider to be the greatest letter written during the 20^th Century. Lawrence authored this rambling, disjointed and yet extraordinarily lyric masterpiece slightly more than 30 years ago in which he beseeched my older brother and his wife to help him market a holy Polaroid photo of Jesus Christ.

My brother, his wife and a friend had come up with the potentially million-dollar idea of printing and marketing Shroud of Turin tablecloths. The payoff could've been huge with a possible whole line of shroud products, beach towels, bed sheets and bath mats. Problem was the idea was ahead of its time with no Internet to market it. An ad in the National Enquirer was probably the best option at the time, but the response was disappointedly tepid except for the letter from Mr. Guay.

In his letter, Lawrence explained in some detail how his bedroom ceiling opened one night as he slept, and Jesus appeared. He described how he was first frightened by the appearance of misty golden clouds and bright shining light as trumpets sounded a fanfare and a chorus of angels sang.

He wrote that dozens of “somewhat shrubs” (Lawrence’s words) flitted about on heavenly wings and joined in singing the glory of Jesus. The square footage of his bedroom ceiling must’ve been the size of a tennis court to accommodate such a heavenly host. Amongst all this angelic carousing, Jesus appeared, spoke to Lawrence in a calm and quiet voice and handed him a Polaroid photo. Jesus said the photo would offer proof that he was still watching over his earthly flock, and Lawrence’s mission was to spread the gospel of the Polaroid.

The Shroud of Turin ad somehow struck a chord with Lawrence who must’ve thought he had discovered his marketing soul mates. A follow-up phone call to Lawrence didn’t reveal much, just that he obviously hadn’t shared his sacred photograph with his mother. He agreed to send a copy of the photo, but the Xerox copy was very blurry and looked more like a Shetland Pony than our Lord and Savior.

We never heard from Lawrence A. Guay again, and even now I have to wonder if the Polaroid existed and what if it were actually signed. Just imagine what an autographed photo of Jesus could be worth.

Jim’s e-mail set me to thinking about Lawrence again, and I Googled his name. It isn’t a common name, but one or two Larry Guay’s are lurking about on Facebook. One Google hit, however, was quite intriguing. Lawrence A. Guay Sr. is a former evangelical minister from Southern Maine. The postmark on Lawrence’s letter was from Portland, Maine. Lawrence Sr. is now in his early 80s and a GOP member of the New Hampshire State Senate from a district that sits right on the Maine border.

I wondered if it could be a coincidence or possible relation. If it is a relation maybe even his father, then poetic symmetry is such a beautiful thing.